I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
