i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Randomize
