her vagine was all disorganized.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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