: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
