when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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