Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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