Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
