Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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