im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
