so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
