Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She told me I should be a condom model.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
