I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
