Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
