you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
