we have pet lesbian snakes
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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