I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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