He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks