My hair reeks of homosexuality.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday