Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
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He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
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On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.