My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
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I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
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We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where