my phone needs a breathalizer
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.