I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink