Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
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The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
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WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".