On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
