Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
