Moan for me like Helen Keller
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I have post one night stand depression
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
