Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
