i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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