dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
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2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
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The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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