So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
