I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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