Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
