She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
