true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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