girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
