you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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