I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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