Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
