Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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