just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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