just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
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