Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i think i just lost a toe
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
