I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
