Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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