Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
