and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
