oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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