A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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