Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Four minutes until I can fart!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
