i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
