I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
