cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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