Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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