if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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