I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
