Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
