Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
