I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
