peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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