I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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