i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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