Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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