Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
