I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
