you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words: blizzard sex
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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