Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
