Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
