there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
